I had an epiphany on Saturday during a marathon dual bar/bat mitzvah, which lasted (admittedly with breaks) from 10am – 10pm. It was pretty intense. I think I may have accidentally converted to Judaism at some point during the day.

Anyway, between all the talk of importance of family and education, an explanation of why you should give monetary gifts in multiples of 18 (chai, meaning life, has the value of 18), and capped off with frenzied dancing, singing, and lifting the honorees of the night up on chairs and parading them around the room, I came to a realization: Jews are unrepressed Chinese people.

Think about it.