This is my somewhat delayed post about the famed Westminster Dog Show, which was on TV last week. All in all, it was quite entertaining, but I have to just come out and say it that those were some of the most ugly-ass dogs I have ever seen. I was the proud owner of three mixed-breed dogs from the Animal Humane Society in Albuquerque and I can say with some certainty that they would have beaten up this poodle for his lunch money.

Despite this, I did see some dogs that I thought were really cute, like this Pekingese that won Best of the Toy breeds. It wasn’t even his long hair, flat face, or odd gait that I thought was cute; it was really that the dog seemed to have absolutely no clue what was going on. He just lumbered around, following his handler, his tongue hanging halfway out of his mouth. Kind of reminded me of some people I know.

Another highlight of the show was some of the bizarre names that people gave their dogs. The winner of Best of Show, for example, was named “Torums Scarf Michael”. Other spectacular names were “Set’R Ridge Wyndswept In Gold”, “Yakee Leaving Me BreathlessAtFranshaw”, and “Broxden Rio Oso Best Dressed”. Mariel and I decided that if we ever have a show dog, we’re going to name it “Winnifred Goes To Town on Sunday Mornings.”

But for all the grooming, training, and breeding that makes these dogs champions, their ultimate motivation is the same as that of every dog in the world: food. When the handler was walking them throughout the ring, or stopping and posing them for the judge, he always had a small piece of food in his hand. As far as I could tell, the only thing keeping these dogs in line while the judge handles them in innappropriate ways was the promise of whatever tasty little morsel that their handler’s pocket. Dogs will be dogs.

Here are some more pictures of my favorite dogs:

After watching the show, I wanted a dog for myself even more that usual, so I looked up the adoption policies for some of the Humane Societies in the Bay Area. Unfortunately, they all require a landlord’s name and number on the adoption application, and Stanford Housing Services would be none too pleased to have a dog in Rains. So for now I will just have to be content with my pet cacti.