Have you ever wondered where Satan buys his groceries? I mean, even with all the fire and brimstone and stuff, the guy’s still gotta have somewhere to buy his necessities. Well, I have discovered that not only does Satan shop at Safeway, but he would purchase exactly the following items:

• An 18-pack of Goody Pony Elastics
• One Revlon Classic Nail Clipper
• A 3-pack of Zest Bath Bar Soap (Aqua Pure)

Don’t believe me? Here’s proof. And no, he doesn’t use a Safeway Card. The Prince of Darkness has no need to save 29 cents on ground turkey.